Posts Tagged ‘lee mcqueen’

Harry H Corbett Wins The Apprentice

June 12, 2008

Lee McQueen celebrates his victory with his faarver and his new tart

“Vis is a wonderful wresult for me,” laughed Harry H Corbett, on learning that he has won this year’s The Apprentice. “Finally I can get away from vat zzzirty old man and bwranch aaaht on my own. Vis is ve best day of my ‘ole life!”

Sadly, Corbett’s celebrations were cut short when, on showing his new bird round his swanky London office, he discovered his new boss Sir Alan Sugar having a wash in a tin bath on the office floor, drinking brown ale. When Corbett (56) demanded to know what the hell Sugar thought he was doing, the electronics billionaire replied:

“None o’ your bleeeedin’ business, you dirty great poofter! Oh, don’t leave me ‘Aaaaary, I’ll be lonely on me own!”

Harry’s new girlfriend left swiftly, causing the furious Apprentice winner to throw his hat to the ground in frustration and bite his knuckles whilst going, “Goor-g-g-g-gaaaggghh!”

Then he cleared orrf ahtside to mack aht the ‘orse.

The Apprentice – The Final Five

May 28, 2008

Over the next five days, BC&B takes a look at the five remaining candidates in this year’s series of The Apprentice.

Lee McQueen

Lee McQueen tends to the \'orse along with his unpleasant father, Albert

Former wrag and bone man Lee wants to see shadows disappear from the earth. Lee (who is mentally-retarded) became concerned by shadows when a friend took advantage of his gullibility by telling him shadows are the future ghosts of the person they follow.

“I don’t want to be followed awround by a ghost of myself. It’s dead spooky, and vere’s always ver possibiwitty vat vey might suck out your bones an’ vat. It’d be best if ve Pwime Minister got wrid of shadow ghosts for good … ven Lee McQueen could sleep wivvout the light on.”

Lee is unlucky in love. To date, he’s had over eighty first dates – each one ruined when he took the girl home to meet his father, only to find him naked in a tin bath in the front room, eating pickled onions.

LEE MCQUEEN FACT-FILE

Loves
Rags
Bones
Old Iron

Hates
His father

Marital Status
Constantly thwarted by unpleasant paternal bathing activities

Ambitions
To leave home

Verdict
MENTAL RETARD

Tomorrow: The ugly Helene Knickers