Posts Tagged ‘knickers’

The Apprentice – The Final Five Part 2

May 29, 2008

Helene Knickers

Helene Knickers takes some time off from being invisible in The Apprentice to work on her manly tan

“I’m just an ordinary girl with a third-degree burns kinda face,” laughs the diminutive Knickers. “And if I win The Apprentice, my ambition is to embezzle Alan Sugar out of MILLIONS.”

Helene – whose father is idiot outdoorsman woodland animal murderer, Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall-Knickers – admits to having no business sense whatsoever. However, like most women, she doesn’t think that should hold her back when it comes to climbing the corporate ladder.

“I can cut it in business as much as the next woman!” she smirks, revealing extensive damage to her front teeth. “I have tits, I have ass … what more does a sassy broad need?”

Helene Knickers Fact File

Loves
Belching
Tomato-based foods
Animal pornography

Hates
The fact her drink has never been spiked

Marital Status
Lonely – considering a career in the adult film industry in order to meet men

Ambition
To see Miss Saigon one thousand times before she dies

Verdict
OLD AND UNWORTHY

Tomorrow: The marshmallow Lucinda Tumpkins