Posts Tagged ‘anus’

Lohan’s Anus Damaged In Drunken Anal Fallback Disaster – Corbett Blamed

May 26, 2008

Miss Lohan, just prior to her anal accident five minutes ago

Frightning piss-artist, Lindsay Lohan (20), was rushed to hospital ten minutes ago after a drunken stunt involving a bottle of Jack Daniels, a tube of anal sex lubricant, and a running machine left her suffering massive anal and internal injuries.

Miss Lohan, who is currently filming the new Brad Titlag movie, Shitsplitters IV, had squeezed the anal lubricant up her arse prior to getting drunk and going running indoors. Within minutes she had lost her footing and flew backwards, impaling her anus on popular entertainer Ronnie Corbett’s giant penis.

“It was a mystery,” a flappered Corbett went and told BC&B. “I was passing the naked and drunk Miss. Lohan with my enormous cock out on my way to meet Bruce Forsyth. Miss. Lohan slipped back and skewered her bottom up to my balls. I could feel all warm guts up there, so I gave her a seeing-to, Corbett-style.”

Corbett – who is the father of 1970s rag and bone man, Harry H. Corbett – immediately called an ambulance after he’d finished sodomising Miss. Lohan.

“I was up there about an hour … maybe an hour and a half. How long does it take to read a Haynes manual from cover to cover? I was up there that long.”

Miss. Lohan is destined to be humanely put down later his evening. To ease her suffering, doctors will be using a cannon and a brick wall covered in all nails, broken glass and live snakes. No, ghost snakes – THE WORST SORT OF SNAKES.